2004-02-10 - 11:55 a.m.
Ok. This is like my fifth attempt at an entry. It’s not that things aren’t happening in my life. It’s just that there are lots of little things. Things that I have talked about before, like the move. One thing I haven’t said that’s going on is that I hate my job. My boss resigned out of exhaustion and unfortunately, during the three months between her resignation and her actual departure, she played the departing boss game of “don’t involved me…HEY why’d you do it THAT way?” Now the Acting E.D. is a pain in my ass. The ultimate example of such pain-in-the-assness was asking me why I wanted to stay home when the weather was forecasting an ICE STORM.
Enough about work.
Valentine’s Day is coming up. After four and a half years with mr. Activision it’s still weird not being bitter on Valentine’s. For all of my mooning about mr. Activision, I am self-conscious about my state of couplehood. I remember all of those years being single and being treated like a pariah because of it. I feel uncomfortable about a holiday to celebrate having someone in your life. It’s the same reason why I hate First Corinthians as a wedding reading. For those of you who don’t know anything about the Bible, First Corinthians is the Bible verse that goes:
“Love is patient, it is benevolent, it is not jealous, it does not vaunt itself, it does not puff itself up, .it is not indecorous, it does not seek-after the-thing of-itself, it is not sharpened, it does not calculate the bad-thing, it does not joy on the unrighteousness, but it joys-together-with the truth, .it protectively-covers all-things, it believes all-things, it hopes all-things, it patiently-endures all-things.”
What a load of horseshit. “Love is patient.” I love the hell out of mr. Activision but there are far too many times I get testy and irritated with him. There are plenty of times he gets frustrated with me. There are plenty of times we just don’t get each other. “It is not jealous.” Geez how wrong can this get. We’re HUMAN we get jealous. We look at other people’s lives and see the holes in ours. “It does not puff itself up.” Oh really? You mean having a WHOLE DAY DEDICATED TO COUPLEHOOD isn’t puffing itself up? Having a partner in your life is a gift in itself. The hearts and flowers are puffing it up. “It is not indecorous.” Obviously, that Bible guy never saw a Saturday Night Dinner Party conversation.
I don’t mean to be down on couplehood. I love mr. Activsion. I love having someone in my life. But crap like First Corinthians totally turns love into something perfect, and therefore boring. Love is complicated. Love is about LIVING. About opening your heart and letting someone in. That’s hard because your heart holds your pain, sorrow, anger, and frustration as well as your love. When you are letting someone in and sharing your life, that includes the bad stuff. That’s why love is so precious. It can be strong enough to weather those storms. It’s strong enough to be impatient, jealous, and indecorous.
