2003-12-10 - 12:18 p.m.
The Problem with the Rat Race....
So yay Smirkwood. You're my new best friend. I was reading Smirkwood's exit interview from Diaryland Survivor and saw the cat being let out of the bag. Wanna see?
Kinetix: OK, one more question, and this is the last one, I swear: In discussing your voting, you mentioned a revolt to oust Veruca. What was that? Who organized it? Why did everyone else go along with it?
Smirkwood: *laughing* suuuure ... it's always just one more question ... Veruca was a last minute ring in (sorry) ... and I think people felt that because Trinity had left that they shouldn't have brought in a substitute at the last minute (doubly sorry for using these words Veruca - you had a right to be there like anyone else.)
Gawd who organised it. I don't keep my emails but it started out as a subtle email sent from person to person to person. I have to say I had more mail forwarded from email from UB and the others in that first week than I had combined in the last week. It's only a vague recollection that UB, Genghis and then slowly other people hopped on the kick Veruca out bandwagon. Did UB start it? I don't know. HA I have no proof. So I can't point my finger directly at anyone now can I.
Why did everyone go along with it? Perhaps that's best directed at them. Simply put. Perhaps if they voted for Veruca then they themselves wouldn't have to worry about being booted in the first week. I do have a vague recollection of something about "showing the judges that they couldn't bring someone in last minute"
So yeah. That kinda suxxed. Thanks Smirk for not voting for me. So that one week I was doing diaryland surivor, I never had a chance. It felt crappy and I've finally figured out why. High school.
I find it ironic that my lone entry on ds5 was about how my high school self would react to being plunked into a Survivor-like situation. Lo and behold, that's what was happening. Me trying hard to get acceptance from people whose alliances and relationships were already formed. There were conversations I wasn't privy to and people who judged me solely for the fact of when I came into the game.
As I think about how I'm feeling, I think about high school. I think about how so much of high school is about fitting in. I think about inclusion and exclusion is based on difference. If there's something that makes you different, your clothes, your ethnicity, your sexual orientation, it places a big fat target on you to be shut out.
I don't know if I would have done it any differently. Would I have been a Smirkwood and voted my conscience knowing that I would be targeted for my vote? It's easier to vote for the person at the margins and stay in the game, that's for sure.
What I always want to see in Survivor, "real" or virtual, is to see those who are normally marginalized come together and challenge power structures. I liked the Rupert-Christa-Sandra alliance because it didn't include any of the so-called "in" crowd. No muscle men and no cheerleaders. I hope that in DS5 I could have been judged (at least at first) by my fellow castaways on who I presented myself to be. I didn't have any delusions about winning, but I hoped that I could band together people at the fringes to vote together and challenge those who felt entitled to victory.
That's what I try to do as a career. I train people on how to organize. I try to empower people who are marginalized because of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, age and class to speak out and band together. I don't ever want to ignore difference because difference is powerful. But I try and create a world where difference is an asset and not a barrier.
So I started Diaryland Survivor at the margins and got kicked out because of that. One of the nice things about growing up (at least for me) is that I can walk away. I can see that rejection doesn't necesarily have to do with me and when it does, I can see the part of myself that need changing.
While I wish I were still in the game, I think about the old saying: The problem with being in the rat race is that evening if you win, you're still a rat.
